Birth Stories: Rowan

Birth Stories

Sunday night I was determined to put myself in labor. I walked for almost 2 hours and drove around in my car for the bumpy ride. Around 4 a.m. I had some leakage. I thought my water might have broken, but the amount seemed to small. I forced myself to go back to bed, though with contractions 6 minutes apart, I was excited. I let Chris sleep. Only in the late hours of the morning did I finally doze off. I called the midwife in the afternoon, and told her I thought I had started labor, and wasn't sure if my water had been leaking. We got into Charlottesville at the birth center around 5 p.m. My water was still intact, contractions still 6 min. apart, and I was only 1-2 cm. dilated. We figured I had a while to go.

Chris and I checked into a hotel room across the road from the birth center. I was able to take a small nap and eat. We watched a movie. We kissed and hugged and made out. Not to be too explicit, birth energy (contractions) and sexual energy play off each other in the most indescribable way-- and it jumpstarted my labor. Chris fell asleep, and suddenly I was progressing. By 4 a.m. my regular contractions were 3 minutes apart. I was feeling very overwhelmed. I couldn't lie down, I had to sit up. I remained delirious and calm although things were getting intense fast. At 5 a.m. I went to take a bath, and Chris started to get ready to head to the birth center. The bath was kind of lame, so I took a shower. That was much nicer, since it was a shower massager. When the contraction would peak, I would put my lower back under the spray, and it actually felt good, not just better. I was moving real slow to check out of the hotel-- it was almost 7 by the time we were at the birth center.

As soon as I walked in, I realized I felt like I was on heavy strange drugs, punctuated by crampy pains. Everything was really surreal! I felt unable to articulate answers to her questions. The midwife suggested I walked, which didn't do much for me. I found the birthing ball, and rolled around on it. It was about this point that I felt pain, not just surreal discomfort. I realized then why people want the epidural (or at least as I understand it). It's not so much how bad it hurts, but the fact that you have no clue how long it's going to last, and how much worse it might get. You're just afraid and tired, and you think it would be nice to take a break for a little while. But you can't take a break from birth labor-- it keeps rolling along whether you stay with it or not. And if you don't' really stay with it, and keep relaxing yourself constantly (hard work!) and keep yourself focused on what you are doing and not fight the intense feelings, then you get tense and the pain doubles. And though you would like to escape from the overintensity for just a second, but you can't. No breaks. If only someone had been able to tell me that in only a few hours that baby would be in my arms. Unfortunately, no one can tell you those things with confidence.

At this point, I gave it my all. I embraced every sensation. When a contraction would come on, I would roll my whole pelvis into the ball, with a groan. I was seeing myself grinding into every contraction, making them harder and stronger. Chris was an absolute angel. He was coaching me the whole time, "keep relaxed, just keep relaxed" as he non-stop massaged me. What we did must have really worked, because my legs began to shake uncontrollably. The midwives were trying to get fetal heart tones and blood pressure, and they put me on my back and side. PAIN: being on your back in labor is painful! I could hardly take it, but Chris was being so super, trying desperately to keep me from losing it and to relax me again. I knew somewhere in my brain then, "I am in transition!" and I just wanted the midwives to notice. But they didn't realize how far along I was, and I was so far along that I couldn't talk. Some part of me heard the nurses and midwives saying, "we don't want you to stop progressing by putting you in the hot tub to early." I was in no frame of mind to speak, much less argue.

Finally, for the first time this morning, they went to check my dilation. The midwife's jaw actually dropped when she found I was 8 to 9 cm. dilated! "Well, duh," I was thinking , "so now I get to go in the tub, finally!" But I had to wait for the hot tub to fill. I thought for sure I was going to lose it then, sitting there waiting as the water poured. Chris tried to kiss me, but it was too much. I felt like I was on sensation overload, and I couldn't integrate the feelings. This was the lowest point for me, because I badly needed to be soothed by the water. By the time I got in, it was almost too late. The water made it bearable, and floating, I had no tense distribution of weight. I relaxed and saw myself opening up completely.

In no time at all, I was having contractions that were causing my body to writhe. Chris began frantically massaging me underwater. I remember that we had Dead Can Dance playing in the background. I tried to keep with the music, but the pressure on my bottom was just too much. Finally, I felt myself pushing. Chris called the midwives over. I was fully dilated, and given the ok to push. I waited until the peak of each contraction to push. Chris was getting excited and peeking for the head. The midwives reassured him it would be a while until I pushed the baby out.

In barely a few minutes later he exclaimed, "Oh my god, it's the head!" Suddenly, the midwives were scrambling around, grabbing their instruments and such. I was told later that it was under 40 minutes, and 6 pushes total. It seemed like about five minutes. His head came out in one big push, and it burned like crazy. I remember thinking that this was the "ring of fire". I huffed and puffed until they said I could push again, as they unlooped the umbilical cord, and then the rest of him went flipping into the water. I realized then, "hey I just had him in the tub!"-- it wasn't planned but I couldn't have moved out of the tub. He was bobbing next to me for a delirious second, as I tried to take in seeing this baby for the first time.

They took him out of the water after Chris cut the cord. The water had gotten a little chilly. Chris held him, and I could hear him with total awe and joy in his voice, exclaiming that he had a beautiful son. They had me stand up, and push for the placenta. One big push and PLOP it fell out. The nurse dove to catch it in the pan. Chris said my legs were wobbly like a newborn calf as I delivered the placenta. I felt no pain, just shakiness and awe.

Rowan Alexander was born Tuesday, February 23, 1999 at 11:13 a.m . He nursed as I examined his totally adorable face, and after 40 total hours of labor and little rest, I fell into a delirious sleep holding my new baby.

Rowan Alexander, February 23, 1999